Monday, July 16, 2007

A Fight To The Finish...

I have often wondered what life really is, like all of us do, sometimes or every time. I wonder what is my purpose here. If I wasn't here, how would that impact the cosmos. If there indeed is a cosmos or is it just plain chaos. Is there any need for me to be. Is there any reason for me not to be. These are just random thoughts. It's not like I want or particularly care for the answers. Over time life has made me draw my own conclusions and probably they are very different from what you have inferred.

Till a few years back, I used to want to die at 25. Out in a flash. Gone in a trace. Lived young, died young funda.

Why 25? I don't really know. Just a random number. Or maybe coz in cricket we used to have this quarter-century concept, where 25 was a minor milestone.

No. I wasn't suicidal. And no. It wasn't anything serious. Just a fanciful thought of the darker side of me. I felt that it was a good age to have experienced life and then go out. Didn't feel like seeing more of life was necessary.

But then, as life progressed, I started thinking that I was wrong to have such thoughts. I should not even be entertaining such thoughts. Don't know why, but I started looking forward to everything in life. I always did earlier too, just that now, I became attached to them. I loved getting up in the morning. Relished the new challenges each day brought me. Appreciated the beauty around me more. I began seeing that wanting to go early is a selfish thought. I began to realize that life isnt about the number of years lived, but how well youv lived each moment of it.

Probably in my search for answers, I go so involved with the small things that surrounded me, that I forgot the starting purpose for my quest. Probably, life just wrapped me in itself to show me its wondrous sights and sounds to tell me: "Hey hold on. I am gonna show you a much bigger, better and beautiful world than you imagine youv already seen."

Life is indeed so beautiful. It has so much beauty in it. Beauty of sights, sounds, countries, people. Even the challenges it throws at you are beautiful. Coz you get into them thinking how you will come out of them and lo... behold... you have conquered them.

Today, I want to be alive. Alive to be able to love my family that extra moment. Alive to enjoy myself and celebrate myself for who I am. Alive to be able to bring a smile to the faces of my family and friends through that single phone call. Alive to contribute to the productivity of my company. Alive to share jokes. Alive to enjoy a weekend and all the rest it brings. Alive to be able to teach and make some meaningful contributions to India someday. Alive to enjoy the music that extra moment.

Today, I want to be alive. My immature quest to go out at 25 showed to me that hidden meanings of life. It showed me that life has so much to offer me and so much I have to offer to this world.

Today I live life in the present. In the now. There is no past. There is no future. It is all about now. It is all about THIS moment!

My life has called. And I am meeting it with a smile :)


voodooboy said...

Very true..every bit of it..including the "Dying at 25" wish. Although i wanted to see a lil more of the world before i got my wings and a halo around my head..mebbe till 30.

I think i saw this in some alcohol bev. advt. (Smirnoff if im not mistaken)..
"Life's calling...where are you?"

Anshul Agrawal said...


Sometimes one feel useless in this world n wants to die... But to remain alive and fight the odds of this world is what really matters...

Dying is no solution but to be alive and fulfill your dreams, make others happy and lot of other things are the real motive of our lives...

"Take the life as it comes..."