Friday, September 29, 2006

For Abhishek

I recently met Abhishek, though not in the best of times. Iv known him for so less a time and yet, he seems such a nice guy alround :) Soft spoken, totally humble and very ambitious, I am really privileged to have met him :)

As asked, this quote is for him: "Don't walk as if you own the world. Walk as if you don't care who owns it..."

An Angel Of Life

  • Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
  • Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
  • Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.
  • Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
  • I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
  • I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
  • If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
  • In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.
  • Intense love does not measure, it just gives.
  • It is a kingly act to assist the fallen.
  • It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.
  • It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.
  • Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
  • Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.
  • Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.
  • The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.
  • The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.
  • There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
  • We are all pencils in the hand of God.
  • We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.
  • We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

Mother Teresa

All quotes from Brainy Quotes Page

Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Simple Pleasures Of Life :)

Played football after a long while today :) Amazing to play this game. Even scored a goal :) Am really very tired, but all in all, great fun for today :)

Monday, September 25, 2006

A Prayer

Oh Lord, take what you want from me in future. I will not complain once to you. Just give me what I wish for tonight.

Amen.

Your Money Or Your Love

I seem to be getting into a lot of debates over the Love vs. Money issue (completely accidentally) and my position is hardening towards the end of Money for whatever reasons I see fit.

Not too long ago, I was a pretty untouched young man of 19, who believed otherwise. The question I ask myself is, is it possible to change back once you have changed?

In either case, I am reminded of a very poignant interview of Subroto Roy Sahara that I read somewhere. He talked about his father giving him something he really became attached to and then destroying it, so that he learnt to not be too attached to anything in life. I think I read this interview a couple of years back, but it left a lasting impression on me.

I think even the Bhagvad Gita says something similar, though I must definately read it thoroughly before being able to say that for sure (I guess I am trying to key myself to start with the Gita, which I have been wanting to do for a long time now.)

In my case, is it Bitterness? Practicality? Natural Progression? I do not know. But I know that someday I hope to reach the stage where I am equally uninfluenced by both. Because in that moment, I feel one will be able to perform the action, without the pressure of a personal bias and then, only the merits of the action will matter and not the external factors surrounding the action.

Stupid? Profound? I think it's just the painkillers talking this late in the night...

So long and so forth and seeya next time...

Saturday, September 23, 2006

The Return Of Me

It started with a call I almost never made, didn't intend to, but somewhere deep down in my conscience, knew I should. It wasn't an option. It was a compulsion.

It started with a call I could not attend as I was on a call with my onsite team. Followed by a message asking to rollback the last one and a half years. It was a request I almost didn't want to honour, but somewhere deep down in my conscience, knew I should. It wasn't an option. It was a compulsion.

If pressed to ask why I was compelled, I can only say that because it was her, because it was me.

Unlike databases, it isn't easy to just rollback to a previous point in life. But I guess, it isn't impossible and shouldn't be impossible either.

Came home and went without even a twit of care for my appearance or presentability (in short unshaven and unkempt :)

Reached in time and was greeted by Aunty. Was wonderful to meet her again after so long. It had been long and yet I felt as if time had stood still. It was truly wonderful that Aunty met me at the door. Meant something to me that I can never express. Met Uncle too and it was great to see him again after so long.

As we sat down, a particular song started playing, that was incredibly ironic :), the poignancy of which we spoke about later in the night. I have been told about the concept of "Synchronicity", but this was unbelievable.

I presented something that had been waiting for the last one and a half years. Nothing had changed. Nothing.

We didn't even speak much, hardly a few lines. We didn't even say long drawn out good-byes. It didn't matter. The max we did was jive a bit when I was thrown onto the dance floor (As I closed my eyes for a few moments. There are some things in life I really am not meant to do probably. Dancing comes in that list), which mercifully lasted just 15 seconds. But tonight wasn't for the niceties. It was about reconnecting from where we left off. Going back was so much more than just going back.

As I left, Aunty asked me to keep coming back regularly and that really was a wonderful gesture. It meant that the return was complete... I tend to look at peoples eyes when they talk to me. The eyes speak so much. I really trust my judgement of people based on how sincere they are. How much their eyes tell the truth. These experienced eyes conveyed to me that alls well that ends well...

At 22, I feel like I am closing the review comments on my life one by one and moving towards becoming a finished product. A few more years and I will be the person I wanted to evolve into, I am sure.

Life goes on... Im coming back to life...

Robert Frost - A Minor Compendium

Robert Frost, one of my all time fav poets. His words echo the feelings and thoughts of all readers. I present 2 of the many poems of his, that are personal favourites of mine. These are : 1. The Road Not Taken and 2. Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy Evening. Other works of his can be accessed at this site.



The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

The Charge Of The Light Brigade

One of my all time favourite poems. It is about the (in)famous and suicidal Charge Of The Light Brigade at the battle of Balaclava. The line "Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do and die" (made famous by John. F. Kennedy, if I am not mistaken) is taken from this poem.


The Charge Of The Light Brigade

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!
"Charge for the guns!" he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel'd from the sabre stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred.

- Alfred Lord Tennyson

Medical Advice

Please protect your posture when working and avoid back problems. I was facing some trouble for a few days and today I am unable to move the right side of my body. Have sprayed Relispray and hopefully will be ok with a few painkillers in the evening. Really funny situation, considering I was driving at 100kmph+ just 12 hours back.

Clarity And Vision

I had come across a very powerful quote sometime back. It said: "The whole world makes way for the wo/man who knows where s/he is going."

I must say that I am amazed with the clarity of vision that some people I have interacted with have shown. Their goals, plans, paths have really amazed me and hats off to them for it. It hasn't been just 1 or 2 people. It has been a lot of people and I am truly amazed by their ability to the see where they are going quite clearly.

Great Luck people... All the best...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Happy Birthday Mani

Today is the birthday of Mani, a kid who comes for tuitions to my Mom. A very young kid, he is studying in the 1st standard.

Yesterday, when I came home, my Mom told me about a conversation that happened betweek Mani and another lil kid who also comes to my Mom for tuitions.

Lil Kid: "Hey Mani, tomorrow is your birthday right? So you will be treating us won't you?"
Mani: "No. I will treat you all after I move into my new house."

Actually, Mani's family stays in my colony in a rented flat and my Mom told me that probably Mani would not even be able to get new clothes for his birthday owing to various reasons.

So today, my Mom bought a cake for his birthday and presented it to him and he celebrated with a party for his friends. He wore new clothes and was playing with his pals when I came home tonight. He was really happy and keen to get back into his game, so I just wished him and came away.

But I tell you, it was really nice to see the kid just being so happy on his birthday and being so oblivious to all around him. Bas... life is lived for moments such as these...

Today my sister showed me again how brilliant, caring and great she is too... I am really proud and privileged to have a sister such as her...

Last note: Happy birthday Yash... :-)

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Talk To Me Goose...

Thoughts For Today

I know the subject of Gandhigiri is hot at the moment owing to the tremendous success of the movie "Lage Raho Munnabhai" :-) However, my post today isn't to cash in on the success of the movie. I definately want to share my thoughts on the movie which I will in sometime.

However :-) (I love changing tracks), I would definately love to share these quotations which came to mind today.

"Maafi maangna kayaron ka kaam nahi" from LRMB

And as my mom said to me today: "The path of honesty is probably more difficult than going down the dishonest path. But in the end, definately, come what may... honesty shall win."

Two very simple lines, but to me, they really mean a lot...

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Let The Music Play aka The Sound Of Music

Today was one of the proudest days of my life. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now the proud owner of a Givson guitar. And my music learning shall commence henceforth :)

Thanks Sujya and DK for taking the time out to accompany me...

Music has always been a passion for me and I find it really debilitating that I cannot play music and express myself through that medium. I had been planning to buy a guitar for sometime now, but something kept coming up. Finally, I decided that today was the day and come what may, I will buy it.

Decided to check out Furtados in Colaba and decided to meet Sujeet at 11 am.

On the morning, we decided to shift the meeting to 12.30. At 11.30, while I was about to board my train, Sujeet called to say that DKLD would be coming too and that they would reach a bit late. Alright I said and boarded, smiling all the way. Nothing would make me unhappy today. I was gonna buy a guitar!!!

12.15
Reached VT and wanted to speak to Archie. So headed to the nearest PCO (my cell balance was really low) and put in a coin. As soon as I started to dial, this message comes up: "Out of Order". The PCO ate my coin and refused to give it back! If the damn phone is out of order, I should be informed before I part with my hard earned(through a loan from my sister) rupee!!! Finally managed to get a conversation with Archie(from my cell!!!) and after 3 call drops and plenty of "hello... hello... hello!!!!! hello????? hello...", we decided to meet some other day.

12.30
Reached Furtados and called Sujeet.

Me: "Boss, main pahunch gaya hoon. Kahaan ho tum log?"
Sujeet: "Arre, main toh Borivali mein hoon. DK abhi tak aaya nahi hai."
Me(stunned): "Kya baat kar raha hai! Apun dono ek hi time pe nikalne ka decide kiya tha. Fir tu abhi tak Borivali mein kya kar raha hai? DK 10 mins mein aane waala tha na. Ek ghanta ho gaya hai!"
Sujeet: "Kya baat kar raha hai! Ek ghanta! Itna time ho gaya!!!"
Me(inwardly): @#%%@@##
Me(outwardly): "Chal theek hai. Tum log jaldi pahunch jao."
Sujeet: "Abe tu akele itne time kya karega?"
Me(inwardly applauding his question): "Chal road pe baithke kuch kar loonga. Tum log jaldi aa jao."

12.35
Anyways, I decided to goto Planet M and kill some time. Walked in and checked out some Hindustani CDs. Nothing excited me, so I went into the books section and started browsing. A book that caught my eye was "The Art Of The Deal - Donald Trump". Opened it and started reading. I like stories that are told in a "I did this... I was in that situation..." kind of tone as long as the said instances are true. So read a bit and enjoyed getting to know the typical day of Mr. Trump.

1.15
Decided to get out of Planet M and move towards Furtados again.

1.20
Saw a missed call from Divya. Called her back and she said, she thought she had seen me or Tom Cruise wearing my face mask from MI4 and she wanted to confirm it. I settled the poor girl's fears by owning up responsibility for walking past her without even looking.
Reached Metro and again called Sujeet.

Me(dreading every word): "Bhai. Kahaan ho aap log?"
Sujeet: "Hum log Matunga pahunche hain. Kya bolta hai. Hum log ko aur kitna time lagega pahunchne mein?"
Me(inwardly): "x mins * y speed of train + error factor of these guys going the wrong way..."
Me(outwardly): "Nahi maloom. Tum log aa jao. Main wait karta hoon."

Parked myself outside Metro Adlabs and waited. Read the news being scrolled on the strip to keep myself busy.

1.35
Moved to the entrance of Furtados and parked myself watching the traffic go by.

1.55
Bhai log finally arrive in a horse pulled chariot. We went into Furtados and asked for acoustic guitars. The person directed us to another Furtados entrance, where we would get Acoustic guitars. Went in, but they didnt have a good range. So came out and went to Bhargavaz, across the street. There we saw a Givson, which didnt sound right when first played. Sujeet also checked out a Hobner which was really beautiful and sounded great. We had almost decided to pick it. Before buying, we decided to ask Silmon, Sujeet's pal and also the store hand about which one we should pick. He recommended the 1st chosen Givson and after tuning, it did play like a beauty...

We had lunch, where Silmon joined us (lovely thali at a place called Krsna Bhavan in Kalbadevi. Highly recommended.), after which I withdrew money from the ATM and paid for the guitar in cash. Said my good byes to Sujeet and DK (who carried on to buy some books) and came home in the First Class :) to protect my guitar from the crowds in the train. Reached home and in 5 minutes, it started raining heavily... Had just made it in time... God truly looks out for me in so many small ways :) I placed the guitar in front of the idols of Gods in our Poojai Room and took their blessings.

So, finally after all the time and 6 years of waiting, I was the proud owner of a dark blue Givson... :) One of the happiest days of my life and I will never forget the feeling I had when i proudly held MY guitar...

Eric Clapton... here I come... :)

Life's Little Roads

She put into words tonight what I have been asking myself for the last many many days. She asked: "Could you have been wrong?"

Thursday, September 14, 2006

My Mother

To the memory of my parents

My Mother

Sea waves, golden sand, pilgrims' faith,
Rameshwaram Mosque Street, all merge into one,
My Mother!
You come to me like heaven's caring arms,
I remember the war days when life was challenge and toil-
Miles to walk, hours before sunrise,
Walking to take lessons from the saintly teacher near the temple.
Again miles to the Arab teaching school,
Climb sandy hills to Railway Station Road,
Collect, distribute newspapers to temple city citizens,
Few hours after sunrise, going to school.
Evening, business time before study at night.
All this pain of a young boy,
My Mother you transformed into pious strength
With kneeling and bowing five times
For the Grace of the Almighty only, My Mother.
Your strong piety is your children's strength,
You always shared your best with whoever needed the most,
You always gave, and gave with faith in Him.
I still remember the day when I was ten,
Sleeping on your lap to the envy of my elder brothers and sisters
It was full moon night, my world only you knew
Mother! My Mother!
When at midnight I woke with tears falling on my knee
You knew the pain of your child, My Mother.
Your caring hands, tenderly removing the pain
Your love, your care, your faith gave me strength
To face the world without fear and with His strength.
We will meet again on the great Judgement Day, My Mother!

- APJ Abdul Kalam

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Attempted Abstract Writing

... and yet the title says it all.

Wanted to put out my thoughts tonight. It ended up being a game for me, where I let myself go and tried to abstract, abstract and abstract some more. So I ended up writing this post.

So many clues and yet no direct answers. I am a fan of such writing which leaves me questioning, frustrated, feeling ignorant, stumped, all at the same time.

It ended up as an attempt at writing in a style that is questioning, evocative, symbolic, for the author. And it is the reader too who becomes part of this web of truth, lies, intentional subversion and deceit (un)wittingly.

Red herrings and white lies aside, each of us ends up questioning "Why has s/he written that?" "Who is that person?" "Can I place that scene?" "What does s/he think of her/him self to write so shoddily?"

And the author wonders, "What would the readers think?"

Not about the content. Just the style :)

blink

When did my life stop being for myself and when did I stop having influence on my actions?

When did I stop being a bit player and became a pillar?

When will I be able to learn music, swim or teach.

I give advice to the world and I cannot make up my own mind. I cannot see my own paths clearly. Most of the mist is self-inflicted. But some part is also providence.

Shall I gamble or shall I win?

Winning is too easy and gambling is too far away. Will I be able to see the post then?

Why do I write in circles and still know that most won't get it, but then some need just the title?

Why is it that I know and yet refuse to see it?

Why is there no pain and yet a sense of fear?

Why is there no fear and yet a sense of possible loss?

Why is there superstition stopping me when I have the world right where I want it?

Why can't my mind just say, "This is it!". Coz that will be it...

I am just a half John Galt.

When will I become the Howard Roark I was meant to be?

Maybe tonight is the moment. There have been moments such before, but tonight is to blink...

I told her someday that the red earth of Tara would sustain her. I don't think that she has understood that yet. Neither sad nor ecstatic over her. But it has sustained me.

The Matrix is just wool pulled over your eyes to shroud the truth. Can you nail me?

Maybe I am just the third entity. But which one of the first two is me?

It isn't about being The One anymore. It is just about being.

I have searched my soul tonight (and remembered someone in the process).

The answers are there. But are the questions the one that need to be asked? Can I delay it any further?

Oh well, I'll think about it tomorrow...

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Rest In Peace

May God be with the families of the 54 miners who died in the accident at the mines in Dhanbad. May their souls Rest In Peace...

Surprise...Surprise...

I never thought that I would be someone who would have something called humility... Always brash, arrogant, sharp shooter, over-competitive, insulting... all that I could accept because all of it was true...

But I sat for 3 hours last night and I read... And I read and I read and I read and I kept on reading. About everyday, but great people, the best in the country, the champs... I saw a video today evening, that in 10 mins put into words, the thoughts I had in my mind, but never grasped completely...

And I say this in all honesty, I found out that I did have humility in me... I did see the reason why they were there... I could agree that they deserved it fully... I could see where I lacked, but could make up...

I never knew that this journey would lead me on such roads. I never imagined I could be so fortunate to be in my shoes this moment. As always, someone up there is looking out for me... For what reason, I do not know...

I am beginning to see the pieces fall into place... Oh god... I cannot believe you are doing this for me...

Thank you...

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

True or False

Came across this quote a few days back... Very poignant...

"Inside every adult is a child wondering what happened..."

The Promise

If I ever saw a rose,
I would say it wasn’t as beautiful as you.

What you are, what you mean to me,
The depth you shall never know.

As I sit with a crossed heart,
Berating myself for the words that crossed out a million smiles from your face,
I have no joy but for desolation.
Of self. Of a great friend.

I see no succour. No end in sight.
Not tonight. Not tomorrow.

But in this hour of retrospect,
I have to comfort me,
The smiles of the years gone by.
The memories of the days seen through.

Now I ask for your hand in friendship,
With a promise to abide through and through.

A promise that says:

Any day you require comfort,
Just know there will be a million miles away,
A heart reaching out to you,
Through the stars shining above.

Looking through silent gazes.
Speaking through pursed lips.
Calling out your name.
And a smile to go with.

A promise is all I have.
But a promise I shall keep.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Thank You Andre

Andre Agassi played the last game of his career yesterday against Benjamin Becker (not Boris' son :) ) I saw the match from the start and somehow, Agassi seemed like he would lose and I stayed up till midnight, which was almost on the dot when Agassi's illustrious career ended with a booming ace from Becker.

For me, the great moment came after the match, when the impact of the moment hit Agassi and he burst into tears in public and could not bring himself to stop.

No one can grudge a man who gave 21 years of his life to sport the tears of pain and sorrow of leaving something so dear to him. I daresay, each one of us who saw that shed a tear too, silently or otherwise to join in celebrating the career of a great player and a good human being, who epitomised the human spirit.

One of my favourite scenes in the Rocky movies is when Apollo Creed wants to fight Rocky for the second time after having beaten him previously. Apollo's coach advises him against it saying that Rocky is a dangerous opponent. Apollo says, "Look, I beat him once with my best punches and I can do it again." The coach says: "Apollo, understand that he is dangerous coz you gave him your best punches and yet he kept coming back for more." And Rocky wins the next match after a hard fought fight...

Agassi's story is one similar. After being top in the world rankings, he plummetted into oblivion before rising like the Phoenix to regain his spot amongst the top players in the world.

To me personally, Agassi's legacy will be that comeback from nowhere, showing that above all, its the heart of the human being that wins time and time again...

Thank you Andre... Thank you for the memories... And thank you for teaching us the fundamental lesson of life... "Always walk on with hope in your heart and never ever give up..."