Wednesday, September 13, 2006

blink

When did my life stop being for myself and when did I stop having influence on my actions?

When did I stop being a bit player and became a pillar?

When will I be able to learn music, swim or teach.

I give advice to the world and I cannot make up my own mind. I cannot see my own paths clearly. Most of the mist is self-inflicted. But some part is also providence.

Shall I gamble or shall I win?

Winning is too easy and gambling is too far away. Will I be able to see the post then?

Why do I write in circles and still know that most won't get it, but then some need just the title?

Why is it that I know and yet refuse to see it?

Why is there no pain and yet a sense of fear?

Why is there no fear and yet a sense of possible loss?

Why is there superstition stopping me when I have the world right where I want it?

Why can't my mind just say, "This is it!". Coz that will be it...

I am just a half John Galt.

When will I become the Howard Roark I was meant to be?

Maybe tonight is the moment. There have been moments such before, but tonight is to blink...

I told her someday that the red earth of Tara would sustain her. I don't think that she has understood that yet. Neither sad nor ecstatic over her. But it has sustained me.

The Matrix is just wool pulled over your eyes to shroud the truth. Can you nail me?

Maybe I am just the third entity. But which one of the first two is me?

It isn't about being The One anymore. It is just about being.

I have searched my soul tonight (and remembered someone in the process).

The answers are there. But are the questions the one that need to be asked? Can I delay it any further?

Oh well, I'll think about it tomorrow...

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