Learnings

The thing I learnt as a project manager is that you love to work in an achievement oriented project where you create something very beautiful to make the world a better place. However, most of the life of a project manager is putting out fires one after another.

The Missing Piece

It is easy being a critic, very hard being a creator. This is the learning I get from Babson and life each day.

I got my first internship today through networking. The project is a combination of transport research,  marketing, sales, business development and product development for a very small company in Austria; a combination that I really wanted to experience in order to build my future career. However, this opportunity is an unpaid gig as of now. I have the chance to volunteer as much or as little of my time as I see fit to this project and may travel to Washington DC over the next weekend to explore some commitments further.

No one, especially my family, knows the amount of soul, hard work and effort I have put into getting this break, but every person feels entitled to advise me saying I should consider the money (or lack thereof) and look for a "better" internship. I sometimes feel that people should just shut up and keep their opinions to themselves; especially when they have had zero contribution to my work. Perhaps, I am becoming Americanized in some respects. But, just let me be, will ya?

Its just a hard feeling when you work so hard and you share the news with people out of courtesy or to savor the moment, and they ruin it through their thoughtless comments.

Song for Tonight

Secret Garden ~ Bruce Springsteen (OST: Jerry Maguire)

She’ll let you in her house
If you come knockin’ late at night
She’ll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She’ll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides


She’ll let you in her car
To go drivin’ round
She’ll let you into the parts of herself
That’ll bring you down
She’ll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice


You’ve gone a million miles
How far’d you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget


She’ll lead you down a path
There’ll be tenderness in the air
She’ll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She’ll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She’s got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away

Do Not Go Gentle Into The Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

~ Dylan Thomas

Drowning Out The Noise

Some of you might be aware that I started and am maintaining a separate blog tracking my MBA applicant journey and associated topics. Whether wantonly or through sloth, I have neglected this blog over the past year. Many times, I would have an idea or thought I wanted to post here, but I intentionally let the moment pass and then didn't do it.

I don't know why; didn't analyze it in much depth. I remember being disciplined enough even through harrowing work days (and nights) in Tokyo to post regularly. If I could do it then, I sure should be able to do so now. Somewhere I have realized that this blog and my writings are probably all that I have looking back on my life and times to remember them by in future.

More than anything else, this blog gives me the sense of comfort knowing I write for my own self and most people reading here are intimately known to me. I can write about things that mean the world to me, touch me, inspire me and give me hope.

Spending time here eases my mind, takes away the hundred different noises from business and networking and forum discussions and twitter and facebook and just allows me to be myself in my own little world; and I like it that way. I'm definitely going to invest more time writing here to keep track of two beautiful years at Babson. As always, signing off with a song.

I want to be the next Bill Gates

I came across the above image tonight when I was reading this news article. Somehow, for some reason, this image immediately struck a chord with me and gave my tormented mind some semblance of peace.

Looking at this image, I told myself that I want to be the next Bill Gates. My goal in life is to become successful and use that success to serve society - in India and abroad. Everything I do henceforth, I will work towards that goal.

This one's for you Appa

14 hours 25 minutes to go...

Sounds of Silence

Its a state of flux

Listening to so many voices at once

They drown out your inner voice

They make you unsure

But I learnt to silence the din

I know the time is now

I must decide

It is all about me

It is about what my heart wants

Too many times it has been about what the world wants from me

Its time for me now

Me. Me. Me

Yes. Thats right

Its all about ME

For better and for worse, I live and die by my sword

I won't do it any other way

In this flux, I close my eyes

And ask my heart if he is happy

Ask him if I will be happy

And he says: Yes and No

I must choose my path

And live with the choices I make

Someday it will be too late to go back and change

But to do what my heart says

Better than to do what it doesn't say

There are no happy endings

There will be no fond farewells

There is the sweet smell of occasional victory

And the constancy of defeat

Need to reach a state where neither matters

AC Milan, Forever in my Heart

If You Could Only See The Way She Loves Me

We aren't very different, you and I
Distances apart, though very much near
Of the same breezes, the same directions
Infinite hopes, carefully woven dreams
A glance at the future
Reassuring and reinvigorating
A lifetime spent with you
An ode to a lifetime's stories

We aren't very different, you and I

Happy Birthday Amma!

I love you.

Ad Astra Per Aspera

Watching the movie Gattaca after so many years tonight was a pleasant experience. Time has gone by, but I still remain fascinated with the way man's determination and destiny can overcome obstacles seemingly insurmountable and this is shown so beautifully in this movie.

Through time, I'v learnt we need to dream with our eyes open. Not because we are afraid of the moment of pleasure/joy/success being taken away from us, but because we can see the path ahead with confident eyes and know that we have earned the right to be here, in this moment.

A rough road leads to the stars. And yes. Apollo Creed is a great fighter.

Song For Tonight

The Street of Dreams - Chinese Democracy (Guns N' Roses)

All the love in the world
Couldn't save you
All the innocence inside
You know I tried so hard to make you
Oh, to make you change your mind

And it hurts too much to see you
And how you left yourself behind
You know I wouldn't want to be you
Now there's a hell I can't describe

So now I wander through my days
And try to find my ways
To the feelings that I felt
I saved for you and no one else
And though as long as this road seems
I know it's called the street of dreams
But that's not stardust on my feet
It leaves a taste that's bittersweet
That's called the blues

I don't know just what I should do
Everywhere I go I see you
Though it's what you planned
This much is true
What I thought was beautiful
Don't live inside of you
Anymore

I don't know just what I should do
Everywhere I go I see you
Though it's what you planned
This much is true
What I thought was beautiful
Don't live inside of you
Anymore

What this means to me
Is more than I know you believe
What I thought of you now
Has I thought that was true before
Were lies I couldn't see
What I thought was beautiful is only memories

Oh oh oh
What'd I tell you
Oh oh oh
That's
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Inside of you

Beautiful Memory

I just recollected my first ever footballing memory: Juergen Klinsmann sliding in and scoring the first goal of the 1994 Football World cup.

#401

Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Phoenix

I received my TOEFL scores today. While I knew I had done well, my scores were off the charts with a near perfect 118/120. I scored full marks in 2 sections (Reading and Writing) and lost a mark each in Listening and Speaking.

The TOEFL is considered a cakewalk, yet I was quite anxious to meet the minimum benchmark of 100 (along with the sectional breakups of 23 each) set by most institutions. I find it funny that all my life I have read/written/spoken/been educated in English; heck, I even dream and think in English and yet these institutions ask me for proof that my English is good. Well, all said and done, hence proved! Id like to have my USD 165 back now, please :)

Whilst this may not be an earth shattering event in itself, somehow today I felt on top of the world. I have been a decent student in school and college, but not managed to hit the high notes regularly. And I believe somewhere down the line, I lost my hunger to score high for the sake of itself, because I realized how unfair the educational system here is, with seats being bought and an intentional uneven playing field being setup in the opportunities afforded to students and I contended myself by involving myself fully in that which mattered most to me (albeit quite successfully).

Today that academic hunger is back. I want to do well. Not to prove a fig to anyone, but myself. I want to go up against that test that promises to keep getting tougher as you keep doing better and I want to crack it. I want to go back to being that kid who enjoyed solving Maths problems in 3-4 different ways other than the one given in the text books. I want to go back and learn gerunds, participles and tenses, like the kid learnt from Wren and Martin. I want to go back in time and bring back the spirit of that kid who wrote 15 page essays in a 3 hour exam because he wanted to make a point and express his opinions.

I want to do well because it is who I am. And while doing that, I am still going to enjoy myself thoroughly.

I Didn't Say Thank-You

I keep coming back to the realization that it is that which is good within us that strengthens our lives and character. Though the world may make us question our beliefs and values, it is what we stand for that is the ultimate true test of what we become.

I realized that the world runs, not through systems, processes or efficiency, but through human beings being made to feel wanted, being made to feel that they are part of something special, when people see others being truthful to them.

Many a time, we bury who we are underneath who we choose to become. Let's get back to the basics. Look inwards and ask yourself what you stand for. Stand in front of a mirror and know that what you have become is what you were meant to be.

You'll never have to live another person's life. There is only one you.

Testing New Channel

This is why I love technology :)

- My first post through email :)

Things on my mind today :)

Im workin' on a dream :)

I dream small dreams, I dream big dreams... but its the love I put into my dreams that I enjoy the most!

I love you and I will miss you and Im so sad that you are leaving.

Quote for tonight

It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.
- Mother Teresa

Well Played, Liverpool

All rivalry aside, football is bigger than any 1 club or competition. So, hats off Liverpool for last night's gameplay! Well played but tough luck. Congrats Chelsea! All the best for the Semi-Finals.

Up, Up and ...

I received a mail today morning saying I had to have a discussion with a sales team member from Bangalore. I had the discussion and it turned out that I have to go and meet a client to further gather information to fine tune our business proposal. The sales team member walked me through a demo of our product also noting the points they were expecting more information on. They also wanted me to advice the client on how our product could cater to their needs on a fly-by basis by speaking to them. I was also told to propose ancillary add-ons that we could translate into sales.

Iv read many notes saying that one needs to address professional stereotypes in B-School apps. One of them is that Engineers are superbly gifted in quantitative areas, but poor in soft skills. Sitting and absorbing the inputs over the call made me realize why such stereotypes exist. I could always visualize myself consulting and advising clients on how and why they should do a certain thing technically. But to be able to tie the client's background, anticipate the client's unspoken requirements and tie them with our product offering was a completely new ball game for me.

Add to this the expectations that I must try to plug our commercial terms and ancillary offerings with demos if needed, and I began wondering what made them think I could do this.

If there is something I have learnt through "experience", it is that one must break down a problem into solvable parts and solve each part individually before bringing together all the parts to present a complete solution. Keeping that in mind, I have broken down the tasks into presentations and quantitative areas.

I pulled out the client websites and read it end to end, pulled out the client profile from LinkedIn and saw what background the client has and where I could introduce some conversation fillers based on shared experiences. The quantitative areas would be taken care of by preparing a detailed questionairre which will include which part of the meeting a certain question must be asked in along with any points of note as markers. Will sit with a team member to understand the features and if possible include a demo of the add-on product offerings that we intend to advertise to the client. Have asked mom to get my business formals attire when she is visiting this weekend (the meeting will be scheduled for early/mid next week.) Also spoke to a friend (who has an MBA from IIM Lucknow) to crosscheck the items that needed to go into the meeting/presentation.

All in all, I plan to go prepared with what I feel is the best I can do. The rest whatever has to happen will happen!

I Believe

The first couple of days of the new job are done with. And the verdict on the new job is: "It's tough!"

I will be handling technical pre-sales and project management for a few projects, coordinating with both my sales teams comprising of a co-founder and the vice-president of my company along with managing developers and reporting to the director of mobile technology for my project work.

Sounds like a lot? Well, thats the easy part. The tough part is the initiation to new technologies and scaling up and learning the capabilities of each technology on a need basis with a very short turnaround time. The weightage given to my inputs places an additional pressure to get it right the first time. And I find that there are so many things I do not know of and I need to learn. The confidence has taken a massive hit and I am left with many self-doubts.

But in all of this, I still managed to get the gap analysis and review of estimates for my first assignment spot on. That told me that the raw material was in place and I have done my homework. Across industry verticals, domains and technologies, principles underlying project management will remain the same.

My self notes going forward are to keep doing my job. Thats it. Whats happening correctly needs to continue. What I have to learn new, well, I have to learn.

"If you desire something with all your heart, and work hard and work hard and work hard, yes you can succeed."

The Power to Change

"A butterfly fluttering its wings in one part of the world could cause a storm in another."

Little do we realize the impact of small conversations on the course of life. Little do we realize the true meaning of the word "change." Or "power." Or "ability."

Little do we realize the power of the human will. The power of the human mind. The ability to look at oneself in a detached way and in a moment realize the truth of the matter and to commit to change in an instant, without a semblance of ego attached, purely because of the truth and merit of what has just been postulated.

Life is a journey. Finish stronger. Finish better.

The power of the ability to change is what, if not the power of the human will and an honest heart in the quest for self-improvement.

Jo Allah Ki Marzi... Wohi Hoga...

I believe...

In Pursuit Of Happyness

This part of my life is called Happyness. There are so many thoughts that can be thought, so many emotions that could be felt; but all I feel is a strange sense of peace and calm and happyness. Its almost as if all the unspent tears have wilted away to be replaced with an end to end smile all the while.

All the moments of despair, all the moments of self-doubt, all the moments of questioning. Looking back, its almost as thought I have been walking through a pre-determined path to Happyness without knowing the big picture. How else can one explain how everything fits perfectly?

More in some days. For now, I wish you the same sense of happiness that I feel at the moment. For now and always.

I Love You Ma. I Love You Dad.

In Search of Greatness

"Most times when you do something great, it's not overnight. It's not something that comes easy. It comes with a lot of hard work, a lot of time, a lot of commitment."
- Kurt Warner

---

This is the make or break year. And I have waited a long, long time for this year. I just want to keep coming back to the line above each time I need some reassurance.

Good Evening, Mister President

Kaka stays at AC Milan.
Barack Obama becomes President of the United States.
Hearing the special someone's voice.
A small step forward towards a special tomorrow.

Yes. There are good days.

Song For Tonight

Dont Let The Sun Catch You Crying - Rickie Lee Jones

Don't let the sun catch you cryin'
The night's the time for all your tears
Your heart may be broken tonight
But tomorrow with the morning light
Don't let the sun catch you cryin'

The nighttime shadows disappear
And with them go all your tears
Cuz the morning will bring joy for every girl and boy
So don't let the sun catch you cryin'

We know that cryin's not a bad thing
But stop your cryin' when the birds sing
It may be hard to discover
That you've been left for another
But don't forget that love's the game
That can always come again
So don't let the sun catch you cryin'

Don't let the sun catch you cryin'
Don't let the sun catch you cryin'
Don't let the sun catch you cryin'
Oh, no.

---

Heard this song on iTunes Radio. Was a live performance. Loved it.

Goalkeepers :D

This just reinforces my theory that goalkeepers are the awesomest entertainers in football. Cristiano Ronaldo might be the first, second and third best player in the world, but he cannot be a goalkeeper ;)

Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

Humility. Gratefulness. Satisfaction. Contentment. Fulfillment.

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

Changing Lives

Life moves in a symphony of crests and troughs of a sine wave. Finish stronger than you start.

Yes. Life is kind.